Broken hearts kill

Its hard to hear rumors that you have found someone else. That you are so happy with your life with another girl. Why cant I get over you? Love is something that stays in your heart and if you truely love someone you can never get over them, no matter what. I loved you and living these past three months without you in my life has been the scariest thing I have ever done. I thought you were meant for me and I though God had made us for each other but through the thick and thin we havent lasted. Im glad you are happy now and maybe this will be the one for you. I would take back everything if I could have you back in my life. I had made the biggest mistake of letting you go and I just want to be happy again. I want to be in a Jesus centered relationship. I dont care what people think anymore but I want you back in my life. I would do anything to start all over again. I would do anything to go back to the days of catching each other stare at the gym. I miss it, I miss you, I miss everything. I miss our long talks, fun dates, and relaxing days in Chula Vista. Why cant I get over you?! Help me. Talk to me, pray for me, open your heart. This is the one time I really need you so please be here for me and tell me straight up. I love you so much Chad Wilson and there isnt a day that goes by that I dont think or pray for you and I have many witnesses. I always talk about stories to others of all the fun we had but that doesnt matter anymore. Please just talk to me and have one last heart to heart. It would mean the world to me. I miss you and your family so much and I need you.

Not as planned...

Well since this blog didn't work out for the purpose I wanted or really cared about im going to make it my own. No more expressing my feelings through words but just having fun and being me. Thats what I always should of stuck to because thats where I always fall back to. So heres something just for fun!
A - Age: Nineteen
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: ALL OF THEM!
D - Dog's name: Charlie, Delilah, Buck, Bear, and Max
E - Essential start your day item: Toothbrush/Scar cream
F - Favorite color: Gold, Turquoise, and Yellow
G - Gold or Silver: Gold
H - Height: 5'6
I - Instruments you play: absolutely nothing but I would love to learn how to play the Ukelele :)
J - Job title: Team Member at CFA, Student worker at the Qualifying Center, and Full time student
K - Kid(s): None :)
L - Living arrangements: In a dorm with my 3 best friends
M-Mother's name: Seanna Deann Hunter
N - Nicknames: Mel, Em, Emmers, Amelia
O - Overcoming: Insecurity
P- Pet Peeves: When people dont respond back to texts or when my friends call me telling me something i dont want to hear about the love of my life
Q - Quote from a movie: "is butter a carb?"
R - Right or left handed: Right handed
S - Siblings: 2 older sisters, 2 younger sisters, and a younger brother
T - Time you wake up: I sleep till whenever I want :)
U- Underwear: Underwear are a daily necessity
V- Vegetable you don't like: I like them all :)
W - Ways you run late: I'm usually on time, but if I'm late I probably kept changing my outfit
X - X-rays you've had: skull, mouth, and arm
Y - Yummy food you make: easy mac :)
Z - Zoo favorite: panda and giraffe

The New ME

Finally Back to normal! Even though it has only been a few days and my face has healed really fast I felt like it was the longest week of my life! Every trip to the ER, Doctor, or Dentist was just a painful experience! I am so blessed to be feeling about 100% better and im pretty happy the way things turned out!I was able to spend a week in paradise with my family and friends :)

Longboard Tricks!

Well this is me looking like Shrek before I left for California. I was in so much pain and even worse now. Keep me in your prayers!!!

...

Looks like everything is getting thrown back in my face, whats done is done and I cant change the past. Im sorry for the hurt and pain but all I can do is work on myself for the present and the future. Im at peace knowing the Lord forgives and keeps no record of wrong. Lord please bless me today and calm my nerves for this interview. You bless me everyday with things I dont even deserve. Thank you for the sun and beautiful weather. Thank you for surrounding me with your glory. I LOVE you Lord! Keep me close to you.
xoxo,
Mel

I Miss This.

"Never take for granted the things that mean the most to you"

All things work together for our good.

Well there we go. I messed up. I can admit it. I know I didn’t do anything right in the relationship with Chad. My way of showing love to him wasn’t good enough, and he doesn’t understand all that I did for him too. It sucks but its something I have to live with. I thought I knew in my heart that we were supposed to be together but now I know what we really are. I know that if you have to second-guess love than its not meant to be.
God has created someone so perfect for us out there that you cant live without him or her, when they leave you will do anything to get them back, you don’t have to think twice about it. The Lord has prepared someone so great for both of us. It sucks we missed our chances with each other but all the pain and hardships will soon be gone. They will soon disappear from our heart; because the Lord is preparing us individually for that one person he has created us to spend the rest of our lives with. Someone who is so strong in the Lord and when they let you down you know everything is going to be ok and you both will grow from it. You both will be so strong and your love will grow tremendously.
I don’t know the plans the Lord has for me but I know they are plans to make me strong. I don’t know if he has someone for me to be with or if I’m going to be on my own. Either way I’m fine with, because I know I’m living for the Lord and not for myself.
Just to clear things up, I didn’t drink at the parties I went to, and I haven’t been flirting with other guys. As much as I wanted to, to get over Chad, I just couldn’t do it this time. I couldn’t handle bringing myself to get to that point again. I’ve only been in love once and seeing how good it is with that one person makes me not want to even talk to anyone else. Yeah I did accept all three of those friend requests and I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal but apparently it was. I thought we were supposed to be forgiving and love like the Lord has loved us. I have done nothing wrong with those three boys since Chad and I have broken up. I haven’t talked to them but they have been in my prayers because I know none of them are following the Lord. I want to be a light. I have been told by many people that Chad has been out and flirting with other girls at parties and or bars but I know better. I know he would never do that to me. I know he is better than those sleazy worldly girls. I’m not going to let it get to me anymore because its his choices, I have no control over what he does, all I can do is pray that he makes good decisions and is glorifying the Lord. I pray the Lord gives him peace about the situation and just gets over me as quickly as possible. I know it’s the best for him.
I wanted to get back together with him so bad but I know its not good for him. He deserves so much better. A godly woman that will strengthen him, someone who shows love the same way he does, a girl that his family will adore, and someone who will always be there with him. Apparently I wasn’t able to give him any of that and I regret it but I know in my heart he will be blessed with the woman of his dreams. The most beautiful and amazing woman, someone he can grow old with and can have so many great memories with. Someone who can rebuke him and tell him when he’s wrong. Someone who can spit out Bible verses nonstop to help any situation. He deserves the best.
The more and more I think about him the more and more depressed I get about losing someone so special but all things work together for our good. The Lord is so good to me and I want to be filled with his love. I want to sadness to turn into joy and praise. I want to give it all back to God. I want to be thankful for every situation for I know it all happens for a reason.
In Chapel today we learned that there is a reason for everything. Right now its all a blur I’m not quite sure why everything goes the way it does but in the future I will be able to look back on the situation and see how amazing God is and how he was looking out for both Chad and I.
I am so thankful that the Lord is using this situation for me to look for him and be so thirsty for his love instead of me being bitter towards him. Its so cool feeling his presence and knowing he will never fail me. No matter how many hurtful things are said or done to me I can still find Joy in the Lord for his love is everlasting and will never fail.
This week has been so hard for me and so many struggles have occurred with Chad, Friends, and family. Not that it matters to anyone but I was so bitter that I couldn’t talk to anyone because no one understands and I was craving therapy. I was craving wisdom and advice, but when I was home all day yesterday by myself I saw how much of a wreck I was, I saw how much I needed the Lord. I ran to him and he had open arms. Its so cool to see how EVERYBODY failed me yesterday but GOD! He is the reason I am here now. He makes me so happy and I rejoice to his name.
Xoxo
Mel

Why? This ones for you.

I thought you loved me I thought you cared. Its funny how people can trick you into being someone they aren’t. It really seems to amaze me how much people will lie and continue to hurt you. I’m so heart broken and I’ve never been like this over a boy, except for my dad. I would never let myself get to this point for a reason because I saw what it did to my mom. I’m stronger than this. I should have known. I should have listened to my heart and not let my guard down. What was I thinking? I wasn’t. I’m so tired of being hurt by people and guys. I’m tired of being depressed. Lord please help me get out of this stage and help me heal my heart. I cant help but think of how much I love and care for him. I don’t know why all of our little memories and jokes stay in my head. I try so hard to get them out, I try to hard to forget about him. Why cant I? Why do I love someone who is hurting me so bad? WHY?? Why are we both so imperfect and broken? Why cant I find love on this earth that is so passionate and flawless? Why did I have to see all the wrong signs? Why did I think he was the one for me? Why is my heart shattered? Why did I let him into my heart? WHY?? All I can ask is why, but at the end of the day is he I still my last thought, he I still in my mind, and in my heart. He is still my everything. I love him so much and because of my mistakes I have to pay the price. We all reap what we sow, and I’m experiencing that big time right now. I don’t know why all this is happening to me yet but I do know that the Lord will make me stronger from it. I know he will bless both Chad, and me maybe not together but most certainly separate. I know that Chad was placed in my life for a reason. I know he genuinely did love and care for me even though that’s all gone now. I hate that I’m still holding on to my feelings for him. He still has such a big part of my heart and he’s the only guy I truly care about. I know that I had a hard time showing it and I wasn’t close to being a good girlfriend. He deserves so much more but that’s were I get confused. Why was I blessed with a guy that that is way out of my league? Why was I blessed with someone who actually cared about me? I’ve never had that before and I definitely don’t deserve it. How am I supposed to heal from this? How am I going to ever date another guy again when I was given the best and lost it?
Lord heal me, do work in my heart. Make me become more like you. I want to love others like you love me. I want you to be the keeper of my heart. Please just keep working on me and keeping me close to you. Help me focus on school. Please protect my enemies and give me the strength to love on them. Keep me surrounded with people who are so madly in live with you. Please turn any focus I have on Chad right back around to you. I want to open my heart to you and let you in. I want to be so on fire for you other people are scared to be around it. I know I fail you so much Lord and I’m sorry for that. I know that I break your heart everyday and I can’t even experience what that’s like. What I’m feeling is nothing near what you feel like. Lord you are my ultimate Dad, boyfriend, and best friend. You will never fail me. Even though I fail you every day. Please do work on me and protect Chad every day, minute, and second. I pray that you keep him close to you and not let the enemy attack. I know that the has falling big time but help him get back up and run into Your arms. Please bless him with the girl of his dreams, someone who will strengthen him and love him just as much as he loves her, because I wasn’t good enough for him. Let him be surrounded by your people. I love you Dad! Keep all of us safe and renew our hearts!
Xoxo,
Mel

QT lovin!

Well today was overall a very good day :) I was able to sleep in before class and enjoy the morning! As soon as I got up it was nice being able to see my beautiful baby sleep, even though his face wasn't towards me :/ I was there for three hours and occasionally I would be able to see his face for a couple seconds if I was lucky! It was very nice :) After getting ready I went to lunch and made my all time favorite sandwich! Which of course is a peanut butter honey banana one! It was so delicious! An instant orgasm in my mouth! Right After that I had Criminology at 12:30 and it was such a bust! I hated it! I have a project due on Thursday but I haven't done anything for it! uh oh! But I pretty much just laid on the couch until the gathering and it was much needed! I saw a couple clips of the Justin Beiber movie and I cant say im a fan...but oh well! He is one blessed child! I like the fact that he gives all the Glory to God, it was very awesome to see him setting that example to his fans! Des is doing so much better from the breakup! She is really going to the Lord for advice and I can see her growing spiritually from it! It really motivates me to become a better person because it gives me a reality check and makes me realize how selfish I am! As it became to be 8 Des, Nat, and I went to the gathering and it was so awesome! Probably one of my favorite ones so far! It was just a worship night but I loved all the songs they played, the only thing that was a bummer was the guy sitting behind me! He is seriously so loud! I couldn't concentrate on the Lord as much as I would have liked to but I do have to say I felt the need to crack up a few times! The Lord has a great sense of humor! When the gathering was over I was able to and check out all the different church's around the area and they all offered candy which was such a great surprise but I am really regretting it right now! Thats ok though I will work it off tomorrow! I need to loose 15 lb and then I will be at my goal weight with all my baby fat off :) It probably doesnt help that I went to QT with Des and am drinking a mountain dew....o well it sure does taste good :)

There is a pic of me and Des with our QT lovers!
Im kinda upset because I havent really talked to Chad that much today but its good for us to have space :) Thats what this blog is for! It also helps us grow closer and more dependent on the Lord which is the most awesome feeling in the world! But anyways as Chad is at the gym getting swoll, im here getting fat so im gonna sleep away my problems! <3 ya!!!! Mel

GOODNIGHT! :)
xoxo

Just an ordinary Monday ;)

Well, today was a great day! I was able to wake up to a beautiful sun and the love of my life's face. I was able to see the man i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. It was an awesome feeling. As I was getting ready for class I would walk by frequently to see if maybe he was awake...but he was sound asleep. So when I was done I packed up my stuff and went to class, as I got to class I was eager to turn on Skype but he was still asleep. I was ok with that too because I was able to still see his sexy face and body ;) After class I went to the Student Union to eat brunch with my roommate and I ended up getting a breakfast burrito which hit the spot! After I was done eating I was able to go to Chapel where I had great fellowship with all different kinds of people. I felt so at peace there, so comfortable. I loved the worship today, I was just able to close my eyes, lift my hands, and really surrender to my Dad. It was an awesome feeling! After worship the basketball coach spoke to us, it was so cool to see how he never gave up on God even though hes been through so much! I think its so encouraging to see someone have that much passion and motivation for the Lord! I thank God that he surrounds me with people who so spiritually mature! I don't know where I would be if it weren't for them. After Chapel I had to go straight to class! If it wasn't for my long board I probably would have been late! But thank the good Lord I made it! There again I was able to Skype my best friend and it just made my day so much better!! I was able to go to Starbucks with my best friends and watch some inter-mural football! Today was a great day :) I am so blessed to be able to wake up knowing I can pray freely and worship the Lord for and also to have so many great loving people in my life! I miss back home so much more now and I'm ready for it to be summer! I continue to pry that the Lord gives me strength and motivation for the year! For some reason I am so incredibly tired and really considering falling asleep right now. I am just so thankful for everything in my life right now. The Lord makes all things work together for our good!

Back to Square One

This is where I belong :)

Healing through prayers

This evening when I got home from Desi's house I decided to go long boarding with her and talk to my friend Kelli as well. It was great to be in the presence of my friends because we are all able to relate through each other in some kind of way whether it be with boys or finding God again. It was cool just to bond and really spend time with each other. When I was done there I was able to see Natalie and we ended up going to Taco Bell which was fun because I was able to share with her some of the spiritual warfare stories that I have been going through and we were able to pray for each other. But when I got back to campus, I was walking back to my dorm and I heard a yelling from the fifth floor of Prescott saying "Guys come up and pray with us!" SO of course me, Des, and Natalie went up there. When we arrived to the top floor there were more people than I had expected and I didn't know any of them, so immediately I introduced myself to the six others. I had seen them around campus but didn't know they were involved with prayer groups and such. So as I sat down to pray with them, the word had really affected me and for some reason I just had become so nervous when it was my turn but then instantly I knew that was the enemy. I know the Lord would speak through me or else he wouldn't have put me in that situation. It was such a peaceful environment and I loved the fellowship. Its so cool to see how much this campus is growing in the Lord. I wasn't aware how much spiritual activity is going on and every day I'm discovering more and more of it. I know the Lord has big plans for this campus and I just pray that He really uses the people here to reach out to others who really need Him. I also pray that he just lets me bond so much more with them and have that great spiritual accountability type of friendship here at school. Anyways, that was my day split up in two different posts! Have a great rest of your night :) <3

Learning Through Trials

Well today was an eventful day. After only getting two hours of sleep last night from spiritual warfare, I woke up so tired and exhausted both mentally and physically. I didn't know how to handle myself and the last thing I wanted to do was stay at home. So I went to church with one of my best friends Dessi. It was good to get out in a place to worship the Lord. Both today and yesterday I have been so thirsty for it. Ive been so in love with my Father. I have been praying for motivation in my life not only with school, but also with keeping connected with the Lord and persevering in finding him even when I have nothing or am content with my life. These past couple days the Lord has been molding my heart to be the girl He made me to be and im so excited to see how that is going to play out. Our God is so awesome, flawless, caring, loving, forgiving, and so much more. I am yearning to become more like him. When people say my name I want them to be like oh shes different and so Christ like. It amazes me how hard it is to follow these character traits sometimes though. It looks so easy but living in such a corrupt world makes it so hard. It seriously blows my mind how loving our God is. We seriously fail him so many times in a day and hes still there with open arms and waiting for you to run back. I continue to ask the Lord for Him to reveal himself to me, and last night He definitely did by helping me sleep, even though it was only for two hours he still defeated the enemy when I couldn't fight anymore. That's another thing I learned a lot from last night, the Lord will never put us through things we cant handle. I think its cool that the Lord knows my heart so well that he is able to judge what I can and cant take on my plate. So after church I went to Olive Garden with the Concepcions and we had a great time! It made me so homesick though and I definitely miss my family so much more! I am so blessed to be put here where I can be loved on and taken care of though. I have so many people who genuinely care about me and they have showed it to me in ways I cant even explain lately. The Lord has seriously revealed miraculous things to me this past 24 hours. He gave me conformation on who my husband will be and gave me peace about the situation. I just need to focus on God, school, and family right now before I can get into anything serious though. I know we can make it because he is such a great leader and I just continue to pray that one day too I can be on his level spiritually. I know that I am only 19 and I still have a lot of maturing to do but I am ready for the changes to be made. Im not sure what I have planned for the rest of the night but I know im going to bed early since I have class at 8 am. I might have a longboarding sesh with my roommates and maybe work off all that Olive Garden I had today but who knows? ANyways gonna go get some shut eye to make up for last night!
Keep me in your prayers and thoughts,
Mel