All things work together for our good.

Well there we go. I messed up. I can admit it. I know I didn’t do anything right in the relationship with Chad. My way of showing love to him wasn’t good enough, and he doesn’t understand all that I did for him too. It sucks but its something I have to live with. I thought I knew in my heart that we were supposed to be together but now I know what we really are. I know that if you have to second-guess love than its not meant to be.
God has created someone so perfect for us out there that you cant live without him or her, when they leave you will do anything to get them back, you don’t have to think twice about it. The Lord has prepared someone so great for both of us. It sucks we missed our chances with each other but all the pain and hardships will soon be gone. They will soon disappear from our heart; because the Lord is preparing us individually for that one person he has created us to spend the rest of our lives with. Someone who is so strong in the Lord and when they let you down you know everything is going to be ok and you both will grow from it. You both will be so strong and your love will grow tremendously.
I don’t know the plans the Lord has for me but I know they are plans to make me strong. I don’t know if he has someone for me to be with or if I’m going to be on my own. Either way I’m fine with, because I know I’m living for the Lord and not for myself.
Just to clear things up, I didn’t drink at the parties I went to, and I haven’t been flirting with other guys. As much as I wanted to, to get over Chad, I just couldn’t do it this time. I couldn’t handle bringing myself to get to that point again. I’ve only been in love once and seeing how good it is with that one person makes me not want to even talk to anyone else. Yeah I did accept all three of those friend requests and I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal but apparently it was. I thought we were supposed to be forgiving and love like the Lord has loved us. I have done nothing wrong with those three boys since Chad and I have broken up. I haven’t talked to them but they have been in my prayers because I know none of them are following the Lord. I want to be a light. I have been told by many people that Chad has been out and flirting with other girls at parties and or bars but I know better. I know he would never do that to me. I know he is better than those sleazy worldly girls. I’m not going to let it get to me anymore because its his choices, I have no control over what he does, all I can do is pray that he makes good decisions and is glorifying the Lord. I pray the Lord gives him peace about the situation and just gets over me as quickly as possible. I know it’s the best for him.
I wanted to get back together with him so bad but I know its not good for him. He deserves so much better. A godly woman that will strengthen him, someone who shows love the same way he does, a girl that his family will adore, and someone who will always be there with him. Apparently I wasn’t able to give him any of that and I regret it but I know in my heart he will be blessed with the woman of his dreams. The most beautiful and amazing woman, someone he can grow old with and can have so many great memories with. Someone who can rebuke him and tell him when he’s wrong. Someone who can spit out Bible verses nonstop to help any situation. He deserves the best.
The more and more I think about him the more and more depressed I get about losing someone so special but all things work together for our good. The Lord is so good to me and I want to be filled with his love. I want to sadness to turn into joy and praise. I want to give it all back to God. I want to be thankful for every situation for I know it all happens for a reason.
In Chapel today we learned that there is a reason for everything. Right now its all a blur I’m not quite sure why everything goes the way it does but in the future I will be able to look back on the situation and see how amazing God is and how he was looking out for both Chad and I.
I am so thankful that the Lord is using this situation for me to look for him and be so thirsty for his love instead of me being bitter towards him. Its so cool feeling his presence and knowing he will never fail me. No matter how many hurtful things are said or done to me I can still find Joy in the Lord for his love is everlasting and will never fail.
This week has been so hard for me and so many struggles have occurred with Chad, Friends, and family. Not that it matters to anyone but I was so bitter that I couldn’t talk to anyone because no one understands and I was craving therapy. I was craving wisdom and advice, but when I was home all day yesterday by myself I saw how much of a wreck I was, I saw how much I needed the Lord. I ran to him and he had open arms. Its so cool to see how EVERYBODY failed me yesterday but GOD! He is the reason I am here now. He makes me so happy and I rejoice to his name.
Xoxo
Mel