I thought you loved me I thought you cared. Its funny how people can trick you into being someone they aren’t. It really seems to amaze me how much people will lie and continue to hurt you. I’m so heart broken and I’ve never been like this over a boy, except for my dad. I would never let myself get to this point for a reason because I saw what it did to my mom. I’m stronger than this. I should have known. I should have listened to my heart and not let my guard down. What was I thinking? I wasn’t. I’m so tired of being hurt by people and guys. I’m tired of being depressed. Lord please help me get out of this stage and help me heal my heart. I cant help but think of how much I love and care for him. I don’t know why all of our little memories and jokes stay in my head. I try so hard to get them out, I try to hard to forget about him. Why cant I? Why do I love someone who is hurting me so bad? WHY?? Why are we both so imperfect and broken? Why cant I find love on this earth that is so passionate and flawless? Why did I have to see all the wrong signs? Why did I think he was the one for me? Why is my heart shattered? Why did I let him into my heart? WHY?? All I can ask is why, but at the end of the day is he I still my last thought, he I still in my mind, and in my heart. He is still my everything. I love him so much and because of my mistakes I have to pay the price. We all reap what we sow, and I’m experiencing that big time right now. I don’t know why all this is happening to me yet but I do know that the Lord will make me stronger from it. I know he will bless both Chad, and me maybe not together but most certainly separate. I know that Chad was placed in my life for a reason. I know he genuinely did love and care for me even though that’s all gone now. I hate that I’m still holding on to my feelings for him. He still has such a big part of my heart and he’s the only guy I truly care about. I know that I had a hard time showing it and I wasn’t close to being a good girlfriend. He deserves so much more but that’s were I get confused. Why was I blessed with a guy that that is way out of my league? Why was I blessed with someone who actually cared about me? I’ve never had that before and I definitely don’t deserve it. How am I supposed to heal from this? How am I going to ever date another guy again when I was given the best and lost it?
Lord heal me, do work in my heart. Make me become more like you. I want to love others like you love me. I want you to be the keeper of my heart. Please just keep working on me and keeping me close to you. Help me focus on school. Please protect my enemies and give me the strength to love on them. Keep me surrounded with people who are so madly in live with you. Please turn any focus I have on Chad right back around to you. I want to open my heart to you and let you in. I want to be so on fire for you other people are scared to be around it. I know I fail you so much Lord and I’m sorry for that. I know that I break your heart everyday and I can’t even experience what that’s like. What I’m feeling is nothing near what you feel like. Lord you are my ultimate Dad, boyfriend, and best friend. You will never fail me. Even though I fail you every day. Please do work on me and protect Chad every day, minute, and second. I pray that you keep him close to you and not let the enemy attack. I know that the has falling big time but help him get back up and run into Your arms. Please bless him with the girl of his dreams, someone who will strengthen him and love him just as much as he loves her, because I wasn’t good enough for him. Let him be surrounded by your people. I love you Dad! Keep all of us safe and renew our hearts!
Xoxo,
Mel
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